He is saving me...

2 weeks ago, my Grandma passed away. She was like a Mom & a Grandma combined (the best combination) and she was my very best friend. I miss her more than words can express. Love you Gram! 

You know, I've really been holding it all together pretty well. God has truly given me more peace and comfort than I could have ever imagined. For that, I am truly thankful. But for some reason, it still doesn't replace the huge void I feel in my heart. I miss her so much and I know that's never going to go away. But what is hurting me the most right now-and maybe it will change with time, maybe not-is that I  lost my very best friend. She was the one who I called every day. She was the one who I called with accomplishments, excitement, laughter, and tears. I called her for every little thing that happened in my life, and every big thing as well. She was the one that I would go spend the weekend with, instead of going out with friends. She was the best shopping buddy and she loved going out to eat (as do I)! Who do I do those things with now? I just feel so lost. I know there isn't anyone that will ever replace her, there never will be. But it felt so good to know that I had the best friend I could have ever asked for...but the loneliness and emptiness I feel now doesn't feel as good.

Last night, I was really feeling sorry for myself. I haven't really done that yet. But I am just really feeling lonesome, it sucks not having a really great friend to rely on. Then I realized, all this emptiness and hurt that I'm feeling...why can't God be that for me? As I was praying and pouring out my heart to Him, it just hit me that-God wants to be my best friend. Maybe if I let him fill the void I'm feeling, the emptiness, maybe I can deepen and find a new aspect of our relationship. He has been the one that has listened to me cry, listened to my anger, my fears. He has comforted me, given me peace and strength. He truly is all I need. And maybe He is all I need in a friend too. 

On my way home I heard this song by Josh Wilson. Wow, does it ever apply to me right now:

Savior, please take my hand
I work so hard, I live so fast
This life begins, and then it ends
And I do the best that I can, but I don't know how long I'll last


I try to be so tough
But I'm just not strong enough
I can't do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me
I try to be good enough
But I'm nothing without Your love
Savior, please keep saving me

Savior, please help me stand
I fall so hard, I fade so fast
Will You begin right where I endAnd be the God of all I am because You're all I have

Hallelujah
Everything You are to me
Is everything I'll ever need
And I am learning to believe
That I don't have to prove a thing
'Cause You're the one who's saving me

God-please save me. Please carry me through these next few months. Please help me remember You are all I need. Thank you, Lord! 

I miss you Grandma, so very much. I wish you were here. Love you!