He is saving me...

2 weeks ago, my Grandma passed away. She was like a Mom & a Grandma combined (the best combination) and she was my very best friend. I miss her more than words can express. Love you Gram! 

You know, I've really been holding it all together pretty well. God has truly given me more peace and comfort than I could have ever imagined. For that, I am truly thankful. But for some reason, it still doesn't replace the huge void I feel in my heart. I miss her so much and I know that's never going to go away. But what is hurting me the most right now-and maybe it will change with time, maybe not-is that I  lost my very best friend. She was the one who I called every day. She was the one who I called with accomplishments, excitement, laughter, and tears. I called her for every little thing that happened in my life, and every big thing as well. She was the one that I would go spend the weekend with, instead of going out with friends. She was the best shopping buddy and she loved going out to eat (as do I)! Who do I do those things with now? I just feel so lost. I know there isn't anyone that will ever replace her, there never will be. But it felt so good to know that I had the best friend I could have ever asked for...but the loneliness and emptiness I feel now doesn't feel as good.

Last night, I was really feeling sorry for myself. I haven't really done that yet. But I am just really feeling lonesome, it sucks not having a really great friend to rely on. Then I realized, all this emptiness and hurt that I'm feeling...why can't God be that for me? As I was praying and pouring out my heart to Him, it just hit me that-God wants to be my best friend. Maybe if I let him fill the void I'm feeling, the emptiness, maybe I can deepen and find a new aspect of our relationship. He has been the one that has listened to me cry, listened to my anger, my fears. He has comforted me, given me peace and strength. He truly is all I need. And maybe He is all I need in a friend too. 

On my way home I heard this song by Josh Wilson. Wow, does it ever apply to me right now:

Savior, please take my hand
I work so hard, I live so fast
This life begins, and then it ends
And I do the best that I can, but I don't know how long I'll last


I try to be so tough
But I'm just not strong enough
I can't do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me
I try to be good enough
But I'm nothing without Your love
Savior, please keep saving me

Savior, please help me stand
I fall so hard, I fade so fast
Will You begin right where I endAnd be the God of all I am because You're all I have

Hallelujah
Everything You are to me
Is everything I'll ever need
And I am learning to believe
That I don't have to prove a thing
'Cause You're the one who's saving me

God-please save me. Please carry me through these next few months. Please help me remember You are all I need. Thank you, Lord! 

I miss you Grandma, so very much. I wish you were here. Love you! 

I LOVE finding new worship songs!

I heard this song on my way to clinical this morning. What a blessing it was to me! Please listen, it's most definitely worth it! Our God really is amazing, I love Him so much.

A new fav for sure!

Distractions, Distractions

I am a very distractable person. If I'm supposed to be doing something-whether it be studying, cleaning, wedding, etc. it's not hard to pull me away from the task. It's no surprise to anyone how busy I am at the moment. This summer is going to be the biggest whirlwind of my life. Sometimes, I forget to breathe. Now, I don't think everyone understands how busy I actually am. I don't care to explain it either because you still probably wouldn't :) But let's just say the last thing I should be doing is a) blogging b) making a silly inspiration board c) be on the internet period.

But, nonetheless...well after midnight this is what consumes my time. Nothing productive. I love doing inspiration boards, you would think that I would do them in relation to my wedding...but no. For some reason, with only 3 months to go...I still have not hit my wedding planning overhaul yet. In fact, I have so much to do that I should be screaming or crying at this point. But I simply just think it's going to get done itself apparently. So last night...with my to do list glaring at me, this is what I did for fun. Not studying or wedding planning, not getting my ginormous to-do list done. But dreaming of what my apartment is going to look like :) Stylemepretty.com has the best inspiration board planner ever! So this is what I came up with:




I so cannot wait to be married and moved into our new home :) It's going to be wonderful and I am so very excited!!!


3 months and counting <3

Attitude

I read a quote today that said:

"Life is 10% what happens and 90% how you react to it."

I've heard it before but it hasn't ever struck me like it did today. I really need to remember this in my life each and every day.

Here is to taking control of my reactions! What a positive outlook on life :)

PS- The countdown has officially begun. There are 100 days until I am Mrs. Jordan Starks!!!

Big News :)

We have some news for everyone. It is HUGE news. Exciting news. Not to mention, very important news!

For those of you that didn't know, we have been interning at Harvestland Church in Clarkston, MI since April. IGNITE Youth is our favorite part of the week. We love it. We love the church, we love the people, and most of all...we love the students there. We feel right at home.

As you all know, Jordan and I are getting married September 3rd, 2010! We are OH SO excited. With only 101 days left, we have been looking at places to live, job opportunities, etc. to prepare for our new life as a family this Fall.

Our internship opportunity at the church had no timeline. It was start date to whenever we feel "done" at the church. No pressure, right? :) Well...after getting to know these students and just feeling more and more at peace with the calling that God has for us, we just didn't feel like leaving at the end of the summer or when we get married was what God had.

Thankfully, neither did the board :)

So the BIG NEWS is:

We have been extended the opportunity to be on staff at Harvestland Church! We will be leading the Youth there through the rest of this summer as planned...and after we get married in the Fall! Moving plans are in motion and we have found a place to live there! Just ironing out the small details.

We are moving.
We are going to be Youth Pastors!
We are getting married.
I am graduating in August, taking boards, ***hopefully*** finding a job as a RN!

Moving.
Youth Pastors.
Marriage.
Graduation.

Moved, Youth Pastors, Married!, Job

AHHHHHH THIS IS SO EXCITING! :) 

E-pics

As always, Captured Photography, has done it again. We had our engagement photo session last week & had a blast! For those of you that know me, know that I hate getting my picture taken. So it was quite the struggle for me to be comfortable taking these pics but somehow they were able to make them look amazing and really capture the essence of Jordan & I's relationship. To look at our E-pic preview, click here. Enjoy!

Thank you CP for making these photos so very special to us, you guys are such a blessing!

Deuteronomy 31:8

"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with
 you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do
 not be afraid; do not be discouraged." (NIV)

What Carter loves about his Mom...

So I received a message from Carter's teacher earlier this week. Of course, Mother's Day is coming up and being the good teacher that she is she has been talking about Mother's Day at school. When in circle time she asked all of the kids what they loved about their Mom. When leading the discussion she was getting the kids to think of some things that their Moms do for them. Some said they love how she plays with them, how she takes them to the zoo, or makes their favorite pancakes. Do you know what my Carter said? 

"My Mom spanks me." 

 As always Carter, thank you for your kind words at school and for making me look like such a good Mommy :)

Max

So after much debate, we finally named our kitty. His name is Max. He has been such a sweet new addition to our family! He has been so playful and chill! He is the perfect kitten. He is still adjusting to his new home. We get a hiss here and there when we get him out from his hiding places, but he is getting more comfortable with us. He is currently playing with my hands as I type this. He's so much fun :)

Here are some new family pics:

Updates

Ignite
So I am pleased to announce that our first evening at Ignite was so much fun! I really really really enjoyed myself and know that Jordan did too. We have a really great group of kids and I am so excited to get to know each and every one of them! We are already so looking forward to seeing everyone next week :) Thank you to everyone for your prayers, God has definitely blessed us with this opportunity to minister and we are excited for what the future holds for these students!!!

New addition to the future Starks clan
We have a new family member!!! We got the most precious little kitten you could ever even imagine. He is so sweet and we love him so very much already. We brought him home last night, and he had a really good first night at home. Then tonight we brought Carter over to Jordan's apartment to meet his new kitty! (This is his birthday present...a little early). He LOVED it! Oh my goodness, it was the most precious thing to watch him with "his kitty" all night long. Adorable. It was quite the battle getting the little kitten home because Jordan was not a fan. But now, Jordan loves it probably more than all of us, go figure! We do not yet have a name for our lil' guy because I was dead set on letting Carter name him...but he want's to name it "Ellie the Camel" after the song "Sally the Camel" he learned at school. Well...Jordan refuses to call the "manly" cat a girl name...so we tried to convince Carter he was a boy kitty and he said he wanted to name him "Boy". Which Jordan also refused. So we will be announcing his name shortly. He is very picky with the suggested names but really does love the name "Ellie". Too cute. Here are some pictures that the awesome family that saved him posted of him, I will post more of ours later:

He is the gray tiger striped one on the right :)

So cute!

We love him so much already!!! 

One semester left until Graduation!!!!!!!!!
The most exciting thing of all is that I just finished my semester today and I only have one semester left until I graduate! This semester will probably the most challenging yet, but I can't wait to be done! Woo hoo! So close!